Sometimes you have to take a step back from everything. This world we live in is so big and sometimes we get caught up in all the hype. Always wanting what every body else has or trying not to be like every body else. Either way we’re following a group of people, with or without our knowledge. Recently I’ve learned that nothing is that important. For the past month I’ve been homeless, each night not sure which of my moms friends would allow us to crash their pad for the night. Now a month and a half later I’ve turned another year older and we’re renting an apartment. We don’t even have the basics anymore, but that’s okay with me because having my mom and somewhere to call home is better than a couch or something similar on the street. All our belongings are locked in a storage shed that is locked because we can’t pay the bill, but it’s okay because I’m safe. With everything occuring I’m just happy we had eachother and were surrounded with good kind people to help us out in a time of need. Before all these brand names and electronics that’s what everybody had. They had friends and family. Now I know that’s all the matters all the other stuff isn’t necessary. By taking a step back you can realize that in this giant sphere of water and land everything else is immeasurable. There are very few things in life everybody truly needs, everything else we’ve convinced ourselves of it’s worth. It’s not necessary and sometimes it takes a reality check to realize that. Even if you felt that way before it’s an eye opener.
There are still so many places I’ve yet to see. It’s weird to think that right now in another country, on another continent, in a different hemisphere, there are people going about their daily lives just like you and I.
I feel like we get so caught up in our own world that we fail to realize people exist outside of our own communities and even outside of our own countries.
We are all full of fear, whether we like to admit it or not. The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, and even just the fear of making our own decisions, because hell, what if we do make a mistake? Day after day our lives are filled with decision-making. But let’s face it, that’s just reality….
What is it that will truly make you happy in life? Don’t think too hard about this question, but answer it with the first thing that comes to your mind. Now I could bet that a majority of you would answer this question in relating your happiness to “love” or “finding true love.” I can respect that, and I am not here to say that any of you are wrong in thinking this. However, lately I have really been thinking a lot on this subject, mainly because I have been asked multiple times through twitter, formspring, etc. about my “love life”, and I am even on a new post on DJ Rossstar’s website about being set up with my perfect match. Why is it that a girl can’t be enjoying life while being single? For me, life isn’t about finding another person to make me feel good about myself. I’m still young, and I am an extremely independent and ambitious person. What makes me happy in life is accomplishing my goals on my own, and finding out more about myself through each day with the new endeavors that life throws at me. I don’t need to rush into a relationship, and neither should anyone else. Be happy and content with who you are and with where you are in life, and then let love come to you when it’s the right time and never settle for anything less than you deserve.
If someone gave you a microphone and a stage, what would you say and what would you sing? Whether the crowd was 10 people or 10,000, what would you make with the moment?
I was going to write a letter to the frontmen—the folks who sing in bands. I was going to say that there should be a system or some classes where they would be reminded that music is a very special thing; something not unlike a miracle, rich with history and the potential to move people and change lives. They would learn about urgency and honesty, the value of a moment and a song’s unique ability to cause people to feel, to remind them that they’re alive and that life is worth living.
And it crossed my mind to say those things because lately, it seems like there’s been moments when everyone is forgetting. I’m bored with watching guys play to thousands of people and it feels like everyone says the same thing in saying nothing: “How you motherf****s doing?” is followed by a request for the world’s largest circle pit. Congratulations. You are the fourth band in a row to say the exact same thing.
Are you kidding me? You beat the odds by making it and they hand you this electronic thing that makes your voice louder and that’s the best you could come up with? That’s what you wanted to tell the world? The stage is sacred. It’s above the ground so that people can see the magic when it happens; so that people can see something bigger than the sum of its parts; something louder than the same dumb joke, brighter than the latest neon trend. Tell us your story. Show us your heart. Remind us of our own. Point to something. In the silence between songs, point to something that matters, some question or problem that steals your sleep at night. Invite us to be part of the solution.
But maybe the lessons are not just for the guys with microphones. Maybe this stuff applies to all of us. It’s been said that all the world’s a stage and that maybe we all have some kind of influence and opportunities to say real things and move people. The stage in front of the crowd is this obvious place where it happens, but maybe it’s true that we each have our songs to sing and venues to play. We each get a few people who listen and a few people to listen to. We each have our jobs and our schools and all the places where life happens. We live in a world filled with needs and opportunities. Every person has a story. There’s plenty of room for meaning, depth and change. Don’t buy the lie that says there’s only room for jokes and it’s cooler not to care about anything. The bar has been set way too low. There’s room for magic and inspiration. There’s room to live a better story.
One test I will ne passing is English. I actually studied and did the work. :D
Physics however, I’m completely lost (feel free to help me any day) i’m going to fail the test.
History goes in one ear and out the other. I think it’s cause she teaches it so slow, I don’t know but I do know my brain is not retaining the information. Oh well to bad I guess
Math yeah like I had a chance in the first place, then they stuck me with a women who can’t teach cause she’s to busy trying to fit in with the teenage cheerleaders. Hmmmm rude but true so whatever.
That’s how tomorrows going to go wish me luck and much success. Ha ha ha.
So goodnight. Until the sun rises over the fine lines of the mountains I shut my eyes and fall into a deep slumber more serene and more peaceful than anything I could experience with my eyes wide open.
(ps it’s 11:00 pm and I’m used to falling asleep at oh about 9:30 if not a little earlier. Please don’t judge haha I get kinda out of it. I actually probably shouldn’t even post things but whatever.)
I’ve decided its about time that my life has an up moment. Everybody always says life is full of up and downs. Well with the amount of downs ive had i think its my turn to be happy and have an amazing UP moment in my life. In the duration of these last 5 years i have seen half of my family be put in a cop car. I stood as my brothers sheild while he was getting stabbed in the jugular(i wasnt a very good sheild.) with a 40oz. glass beer bottle. I have had EVERY single murray cop at my house. I have been told to find somewhere to go at 3:00 in the morning or i was going to detention seeing as i was a minor and my family was going to jail for public disturbance. I have seen many fights were people get seriously hurt. I have had people close to me die. I have sat in a federal prison and testified to keep a man in prison, this i have to do again in this next year seeing as they didnt find my testimony to their liking at that moment. I have cried myself to sleep many a nights. I no longer talk to my father. My mother has threatened to commit suicide many times. Ive spent the night in the hospital with lots of family memebers.I sit in a freezing cold house because we cant afford the rent. Watched my mom sit in pain as she fights a lawsuit against her workplace to get her injury comp. Thing is im a good kid. I have NEVER done drugs i dont drink i get GOOD grades. I have never sluffed school and even the sheer idea of doing this makes me feel like im doing something wrong. I have had the worry that next months rent is due and we dont have the money.
Everyone thinks im this happy go lucky person because i always smile, what they dont realize is that when you live a life like mine you learn to hide all of the pain that you have within. You learn to always look happy and put on a front. Always smile, Fake it till you make it.
Im ready for all this bad to stop right in its tracks and have a good time, if only for a minute. The only thing holding me together are my friends they know how to make me REALLY smile. I do things i enjoy and have a good time, like going to concerts for EYE ALASKA, THE SUMMER SET, THE SECRET HANDSHAKE, THIS CENTURY, and TONS of others, but once the concert is over, or whatever is holding me together at that moment, it seems that there is nothing to look forward to. I hope that SOON the up part on this rollercoaster of life rolls around and i can enjoy the ride.
The people I consider family are the ones who are always there for me and love me. Family isn’t necessarily the people who concieve you, they are the ones who prove that they will always be there for you and they will always try to understand. Even when they don’t. Being a family isn’t a part-time job, it’s full time and if they can’t handle it they can’t be your family. Tonight my father proved that he only wants to be a father when he has extra time after taking care of his other kids. This doesn’t work for me. I want a dad, someone who is there for me and can talk to me, he was a father, only there when it was convienent for him. I don’t want a part time dad, if he’s not going to be there all the time then I shouldn’t have to put myself through all the pain it brings. I can only cry so much and with all the tears he caused me I can’t cry anymore. So from now on my family is anyone who wants to be there and be a part of my life. My friends are my family, my mom, my step sisters, my brother, my grandparents, my cousins, my nephews, my step-brother, they are my family and I’m proud to say I love them everyday. Not just when I feel like it. Yeah we don’t always get along but in the end I would do anything for them. :D
Had thanksgiving at my dads, for the most part it was good. A couple minor arguments. Nothing to bad. When I got back to my moms house she immediately asked me to take her friends home. That turned into a second at the bar. I haven’t seen her for a couple hours, she won’t answer my phone calls or texts so I’m going to bed. To yet another lonely night in the cold. :/. Happy Thanksgiving.
(p.s. I typed this on my iPhone if there is spelling mistakes that is why! :D )
My joy is brought in only the simplest of ways. The smallest things bring a smile to my face and put a bounce in my step. From seeing an old friend to playing with static electricity! Ive recently come to realize material things arent what bring joy and happiness. I mean ive always heard people quote sayings of the same sort, but you truly have to experience the happiness before you can truly believe them. Another thing that can put a smile on my face, doing things i did when i was 10 and under! I got a coloring book yesterday and i love it!! :) i never realized that it was so much fun haha i love just forgetting about everything and being able to act like a little kid. :)
